A round table discussion

I have been so inconsistent with my blog because of depth. Actually I’ve noticed a recent trend…
Bad day
Bad day
Bad day
My blog everyday would be “Today I had a bad day, this is what happened to me, because I have grace and God I must be strong.” It would be exactly the same minus all of the details. Ick!
Then I realized that I am not writing for anyone’s entertainment so they could just deal with it…but then I understood that I am also not writing for my own sake, and I contemplated why I even have a blog. I’m still not quite sure, but until I decide I’m just going to write without an intended focus, audience, or purpose.

My favorite Barbie set came with a flower garden complete with tulips, a watering can, and a “wooden” bench. The little setting was so quaint and I would place Barbie on the bench with Ken and Kelly, a watering can at their feet, and the tulip garden in the background.
My favorite book (that I’ve read about 10 times) is about Meredith, a young, smart, fun 24 year old with an editing career. She lives on a small island in Seattle in a cottage that is white with a flower garden and it sits across from a youth camp on a lake.
Emma is my favorite movie because she wanders in the English countryside among wildflowers and quaint cottages. Are you beginning to see a pattern? My repeatedly painted “ideal,” the quaint cottage house with a flower garden and romantic evenings on a porch swing.

Let’s talk somewhat about dreamed realities. Girls plan and mold realities to resemble dreams and fantasy ideas. It’s true. Are you the Brady Bunch family, how about the Focus on the Family, the soccer mom you always wanted to be, or the active 30 year old living the independent career life? Who are you compared with who you’ve always dreamed of being? Do you have your dream home and if not, when do you plan to? 5 years, 20? After the kids get through college? Dreams reside on the horizons of life as the accomplishment and fulfillment of success, hard work, a life mark, or a reward. They are so beautiful, so appealing and happy. I resort to my dreams on bad days. I curl up to think about my dream home or ideal job, the place that I want my family to be in 5-30 years. I’m learning a lesson about dreams though that Disney never bothered to mention when they worked the slogan “Dreams really do come true,” into their princess films. They do not come true. I may have my home, my retirement, my resort vacation, or even the simple life that I so often claim to desire, but that will be completely unable to fulfill who I am, what I am, or where I am. The achievement of my dreams will still result in bad days, lack of purpose, desire for relationship, emptiness, and questions.
I’ve been exploring the idea of purpose in an ever so Good Book. There is so much about a planned purpose for my life, a will, a direction, and a desire. Really, my purpose for being here has nothing to do with me settling down and being happy in my dream world or I would be in the Garden of Eden. I am here to fulfill a purpose and He will be faithful to fulfill His purpose for me through passions, goals, ideals, desires, and a prayer that I will always be open and a bit uncomfortable.
Patrick has often been chided for changing his mind. I’ve heard so many people call him a political waffle or flip-flopper without an intended focus or direction. I understand him now more than I ever have. If he or I were to set our minds on an intended focus and goal to pattern our lives around then we would not be as attentive to or listening for the voice of the spirit prompting and leading and guiding because we would already know what we were going to do. This is not a reason to be stupid, of course not. Certainly if I am thinking this deeply I know that we need to have some planned purpose. I wrote it this way in my journal, “It’s best to pursue passions and dreams that drive and challenge us because the settled ones will always be lacking.” It’s the action, the forward motion of God’s purpose and will that compose the journey of faith. I realize now that I want to write a book. It is not going to happen when I settle into the life of a writer, my dream life. It will happen when I chose to listen to inspiration and actively pursue it. I will not someday complete my thoughts about approaching God and do away with all cynicism; I need to read the bible and fast and pray regularly…because in the pursuit of Him in those ways I will come to understand Him more.
I had to compare three preschools from different cultures in my class. One was Chinese, one Japanese, and one American. The commentaries from classmates made me cringe. They stated that Chinese preschools, structured like boarding schools with week-long terms and weekend trips home were like mini-boot camps and unfit for children. The American preschools on the other hand they stated encouraged independence and play, parental involvement etc. My classmates were condemning the Chinese preschool VERY harshly when it is the only way that children can get nourishment, social interaction and awareness, and have some hope at survival for themselves and their family. The Chinese culture does not provide children with the leisure to play, imagine, and express themselves in supportive family environments because the parents have a one room flat as big as some walk-in closets. I understand the phenomenon and audacious moves of the American government that upsets most of the world because we have NO IDEA of some realities.

My dreams are still pleasant and beautiful but they involve active pursuit, change, calm listening, and a lot of the unknown.

I spent tonight with the best friends that I have ever had. Oh, I just met them tonight too. Inez and Marianne smoked about 10 cigarettes through the duration of the evening. We had a bottle of fine Italian wine between 5 of us, wonderful pizza, tiramisu, and espresso shots all around at a quaint Italian restaurant on French street. We shared wedding pictures, lives, stories, and teaching experiences. Marianne and Inez rattled off in French during our conversation, Craig, our ADD Australian was his usual self, animated and charming, and Patrick and I savored our 4 country compilation, smiling, laughing, and dreaming, realizing that sometimes the best and most genuine friends are different than you could have ever imagined. Dreams should also be so diverse as an Aussie, French, Canadian, and two Americans on a savory Sunday evening in March.