When I got married I knew one thing was going to have to change…my cuisine. I have always been a healthy eater and I eat enough to sustain me, but I guess you could say that I am far from conventional meat, starch, vegetable, and bread- 3 square meals a day eater. I knew that Patrick would not live on my staple (which last year happened to be turkey sandwiches with mustard on wheat bread and homemade bean burritos).
In China it was easy because I couldn’t really make anything that I liked quickly so I mostly just ate ice cream and white rice.
Now that I am living with the resources to make meals again I find meal planning to be difficult. I eat when I am hungry and find something at that time that is nutritious and appeals to my stomach. It does not make sense to me to make something when I don’t even feel like eating and then get tired of the smell and appearance before I ever get around to eating it. It is truly a task. That is why I love lunchtime. At lunch I can revert to my preferred way of eating and spend little to no time deliberating over my meal. Today I made Cream of Wheat and green peas. No, not together! Side by side, a green vegetable and a nutritious breakfast cereal. Mmmm. What are your strangely normal eating preferences?

I live in a place that inspires me. Let me tell you about it...

I didn't see anyone for two hours until I heard footprints muffled by the sand. I glanced up from the sun warmed pages of my book to see a surfer hop the low brick wall and jog toward the sand, wet suit half-way zipped, surf board under his arm. One by one they came in this fashion and then they would get to the water's edge, plant their boards in the sand and sit in observation for almost 10 minutes. They ALL did this. I wondered if they were praying, righting their aura with nature, observing the wave patterns, or perhaps mentally preparing for the cold water.
I spent my afternoon yesterday warming in the sun and sifting sand grains between my toes. It was the most beautiful beach day that I can remember in a while. Sometimes it's windy, damp, cloudy, too hot, but yesterday was warm and the water sparkled a clear sea foam green. The waves crashed rhythmically and I was able to absorb 100 pages of a book while I waited for Patrick to finish work for the day.
I would not mention this on my blog except that the experience meant something very special to me. In a way it was a confirmation of some ideals I have been forming and praying about. I am a moment person. I would not be content to live for the gestalt (fancy word for the big picture of life) if the moments did not mean something.
How much would I be willing to sacrifice materially, monetarily, relationally to have breathtaking moments?
This goes beyond choosing a job, a career, a church, or a location to live. I am referring to a lifestyle in which I choose to uphold things that are special, that God has created me uniquely to savor and treasure. He fills our our lives with so many glimpses of Him and His glory, goodness and blessing that are not in the bible, church, or Christian fellowship. Why in the world don't we seek those out more often? For those of you thinking "well of course it's easy to enjoy moments when you have endless amounts of time to seek them out. Who wouldn't be happy and consider themselves blessed with an afternoon like yours." My response is, "you proved my point."
I had one day in a month filled with very sad, long, tiring days that I chose to put the job search on hold, put off organizing the bill drawer, to not allow the nagging, "what will I cook for dinner question" to get to me...Instead of upholding a "good work ethic" that Puritan Christians in the 1500's incorporated into our religion, I had fun. Good riddance responsibility and expectation that I place on myself. God is waiting with a life full of blessings that only come when we chose to savor the moments instead of working to an overall point of "someday, eventually, finally, and then..."
I want to share my sunset with you.







Also, for goodness sake, please go to Target and buy some minty M&M's. They are the most wonderful food in all of the world. As you can see, I have enough to last me all winter. Mmmm M&M's.

The Unemployed

I just called Crate and Barrel to cancel my interview. They were going to employ and train me to be a manager starting in January after the busy Christmas season.

My dream is to be a book editor. Almost everybody knows that about me. Well, I called a publishing company a few weeks ago only to be told, very tactfully, that I do not have the qualifications or experience to even be considered for a position. I was sad, okay, shattered to know that I have to wait until I can go to a school that offers an M.A. in publishing. That left me with no other dreams or career aspirations for the next 5 years. I started to apply for retail positions and also at UC Irvine in various departments.

I think I was in Gap, or maybe it was Pottery Barn last week when I just had the urge to walk up to some people and start taking things from their hands to place back on the shelf. I couldn't really see how working retail would fit in with my ideals at all. I think I would feel guilty and weighted every day getting up to fatten the masses with material goods. No, no, no. That would not do!

On top of that I realized something else. I went to school to get a degree. I worked hard for 2.5 years for that degree, and it has made me eligible to do something in this world that I care about. I will not just settle. I don't think it was by chance that I was trained to think and communicate and write and not use it to fulfill God's purpose for me.

So, I just called Crate and Barrel. The manager seemed to know me from my application and was disappointed that I am no longer interested. Why is it so easy to be macho and filled with faith until you actually have to do something about it. I feel now like I'm quivering a little, afraid that I might have just made a mistake.

It makes me think of all the boldness in the bible. People were not wimpy, they were strong, faith filled, courageous, and confident.

I'm going to substitute teach and believe that God has plans for me. Until they are revealed I will be living as if today is part of that plan.

Thanks Giving

As Patrick and I were moving inches at a time toward our Thanksgiving destination I decided to stop and think about what we were doing. Patrick asked what I was thinking about and I decided to be honest and sent my ponderings his way:

How in the world did we get HERE along with so many other motorists wanting to leave Los Angeles? ALL of these people are going through this just to eat special (mostly home cooked) food?! Where did tradition come from? Why do we all listen to and abide by an unspoken prompting? Why couldn't we decide to all get together and eat a meal another weekend when traffic in the grocery stores and on the freeways isn't so bad?

I put my favorite soft pink blanket over my head and just sighed. We decided not to answer those questions at the moment, and we might possibly never answer them. They may be questions for a pessimist, or maybe they're just the questions of a curious person (I prefer that one).

As you can see, it was a rather curious start to a busy weekend.

The day of Thanksgiving was usual. I had my dinner of rolls and mashed potatoes. Some people say that eating only those two things on Thanksgiving is ridiculous. I say, you get to eat your favorite meal, I get to eat mine, thank you. It was nice to visit my extended family.

I took my 10 year old cousin to see Enchanted. It presented a challenge that there isn't necessarily a division between fairytale and reality that we don't choose to place there ourselves. Also, please wear your dancing shoes to the movie because you will want to sing and dance as you exit, and that is completely not a joke! Gabriella and I looked at each other and wished we had more guts to waltz out to the car, but we sheepishly told stories of friends we could think of who would actually do it.

I love Patrick, and I love my mom, and I just love my dad and my brothers (Juliet too, but she wasn't there). I have felt so sad lately, like I didn't have anything good to say, but on the way home last night Patrick and I just talked constantly of all of the wonderful characteristics about my family dynamic, all of the things we liked, enjoyed, and thought were fun. Honestly, if you wonder what is coming out of you, look what you're putting in. People say that a lot in reference to media and the bible, but I mean in terms of the things that you know bring you life. For example, I love people that I am close to and I've been alone almost all day for the past two weeks. Of course I was lonely and sad.

Today is Thursday. I have always loved and hated Thursdays. In school Thursday was the day that I had all of my boring classes...I'm not sure how it happened that way every year, but my odd period classes were always the worst (until my senior year because I had and unscheduled 1st period and didn't have to go to school until 10:30). But...Thursday is also the day before Friday and Fridays are amazing! I guess Thursday is the other side of the hump.

This week has been so boring; I've done NOTHING! Well, I organized our entire apartment including closets and cabinets, cleaned just about every surface, seen 2 loads of laundry through the washing, drying, and folding cycles (I wish), watered my flowers, and looked online for jobs. I just feel though like I haven't done anything to improve or contribute to the greater good of humanity. Do you ever feel like that?

I wanted to teach myself to knit yesterday, not for any particular reason other than to keep my hands busy...but I realized when I was looking online at "how-to's" I just wasn't interested in the beginner patterns which included a basic, single-colored scarf, or a head band. My eyes kept straying to the array of things advanced knitters could make, and although I'll have to start somewhere I decided not to try at all.

Do you know why I haven't been writing lately (to answer some of your questions)? My life has been rather sad, turned upside down, and frustrating (I was supposed to leave today for Texas to spend three weeks there. Now I can't go see Megan and Derek, Nick and Sarah, Carla, Ann, Tyler, or anyone until- I don't know when!!!!-end of tantrum). I am so grateful for all of God's provision to bring Patrick and I here, and I also know that Patrick did it for my sake initially, so I'm grateful, but I feel kind of mellow. Blah.

I realize that it doesn't reflect God's presence or neglect, it's just life. Period. I wonder how much of a real connection there is between the things that happen or don't, in our lives, and what we attribute to a lull in our spiritual pursuits. While I know that God is a source of joy and peace and comfort, I think sometimes we just need to take a walk to Starbucks on a fall day to splurge on a peppermint mocha because they come with red sprinkles in top, which, will inevitably lift your spirits.

I am glad it's "over-the-hump" day, and that I'm about to go eat lunch and spend my afternoon reading.

My new home