The Unemployed

I just called Crate and Barrel to cancel my interview. They were going to employ and train me to be a manager starting in January after the busy Christmas season.

My dream is to be a book editor. Almost everybody knows that about me. Well, I called a publishing company a few weeks ago only to be told, very tactfully, that I do not have the qualifications or experience to even be considered for a position. I was sad, okay, shattered to know that I have to wait until I can go to a school that offers an M.A. in publishing. That left me with no other dreams or career aspirations for the next 5 years. I started to apply for retail positions and also at UC Irvine in various departments.

I think I was in Gap, or maybe it was Pottery Barn last week when I just had the urge to walk up to some people and start taking things from their hands to place back on the shelf. I couldn't really see how working retail would fit in with my ideals at all. I think I would feel guilty and weighted every day getting up to fatten the masses with material goods. No, no, no. That would not do!

On top of that I realized something else. I went to school to get a degree. I worked hard for 2.5 years for that degree, and it has made me eligible to do something in this world that I care about. I will not just settle. I don't think it was by chance that I was trained to think and communicate and write and not use it to fulfill God's purpose for me.

So, I just called Crate and Barrel. The manager seemed to know me from my application and was disappointed that I am no longer interested. Why is it so easy to be macho and filled with faith until you actually have to do something about it. I feel now like I'm quivering a little, afraid that I might have just made a mistake.

It makes me think of all the boldness in the bible. People were not wimpy, they were strong, faith filled, courageous, and confident.

I'm going to substitute teach and believe that God has plans for me. Until they are revealed I will be living as if today is part of that plan.