...after two days of family, too many chocolate cupcakes, grandma's bed with homemade quilts, hand-picked fruit with fresh waffles for breakfast, and reminiscent photographs its' quiet, 11:21pm, and finally cool from the 113 degree summer day.
I had a lot of fun this fourth of July and I didn't even watch or see one firework go off. The entire first month that I was in China in honor of the Chinese New Year I could hear and see them 24 hours a day…firecrackers, whistling ear piercers, and the giant "illegal" fireworks that shoot up and blast into sparkles of color hundreds of feet in the air. This year as the little kids danced around Phantom's greatest: "THE BIG ONE," I yawned and asked Patrick and Paul if they were ready for a relaxing evening in Grandpa's easy chair watching an old movie.
I think my conclusion from the festivity is plain and simple: It's good to be home to red, white, and blue, California's central valley (heat and fruit crops), family, and most especially...these times are best shared with the person you love most in the whole world :)
I received the first hamburger off of the grill straight from Patrick's hands because he made it just for me, he said he watched me smile and play Colors in the pool with my 10 year old cousin and her friends-and he told me I have a beautiful smile, playing cards I sat close and got to kiss his cheek when he lightheartedly teased Paul for making the "boys" lose, and last night before falling asleep I was able to peer from my usual spot on Nonie's twin bed to watch Patrick fall asleep and give him a little smile.
I learned one more thing, perhaps the most important of all from this weekend and to explain it most clearly I must provide some background:
I've always scoffed at moments like this. Reading them in my favorite Christian fiction novels would ruin the story and listening to them made me hate marriage and love relationships. What are "these" moments? They are characterized by reflection and have to do with appreciating someone after the fact. I would read of the male or female lead serving the other with love and a kind heart (the hamburger), bringing them joy (Patrick’s smile or a complement), delighting in them or just being a peaceful presence (having him be there as a best friend and a companion) and the receiver would be oblivious. The receiver would be overly emotional or needy, too self-centered to pay any attention, or just busy with life and while the objective reader or listener is painfully aware of how special and amazing the lover is, it takes the receiver a few more chapters, or hours, or days until they are over themselves and able to reflect and recognize all of the love that had been bestowed on them. I hate these moments because it is so sad to me that the wonderful lover is ignored, not understood, or loved back.
I was an ambitious little reader, youth, and newlywed to think that I would not have these moments. I wanted to be constantly in love, aware of Patrick, the special person that he is, and I wanted him to know how I felt all of the time instead of through special moments of reflection and the times when it is convenient for me to love him back. (You have to believe that intentions like that alert pride as if they were highlighted). I decided to achieve the one thing that I had never heard and to be the best lover that I could by giving Patrick a constant assurance of my love. I did not need moments, but every minute to assure him of my love.
(sheepish grin)
I found out today that my Patrick is a bit of a romantic and that the moments are special to him, that they do matter. My love for him is not just assumed and understood, he needs me to remind him that I think he is so handsome and adorable with his baseball cap and dimples, he's smarter than I'll ever be and that makes me melt, he's charming, witty, and such a lover of God and me that I sometimes wonder how I got so lucky and I just praise God.
I learned how my husband needs to be shown, told, and affirmed of my feelings for him and those are the special moments that make every difference to his heart.