veiled

I wrote July 2000:

"Creviced wrinkles, thick, worn in, carved into his weathered face gave a permanence to the smile that he wore. He was ordinary, maybe in his 50's with flecked grey and white hair, a small stature, and shining eyes. I watched him talk. From the back of the crowd I strained to ignore the small group of boys mimicking the dog they had seen limping through Tijuana the night before, blurring the man's words with the "guf-waff" laughter of teen aged boys. Selectively tuning them out I heard him say, "All praise to God," and laugh heartily with the smile crinkles deepening. Hair flashed in front of my face flipping into my eyes and I brushed it away, straining to see him. Another flick of the long locks brushed my eyelashes. Slightly annoyed I stole my attention to the "cousin it" in front of me and met the back of a tilted head from which giggles emitted with exchanged leering comments to the boy standing near by. He had shifted now and I moved from the back to see him, the man whose veil was removed...
The Mexico mission trip left me bitter for organized evangelism. So much was staged and about numbers, baptisms, and the nighttime productions...flirting with teammates, worship campfires to refuel the mission flame, washing one another's feet with baby wipes. I just didn't see it, The Truth, The Way, and The Life where it should have been in a missional setting to nurture hearts until I met him. I'm not sure of his name, but I remember his face. It was the face that Paul refers to in 2 Cor. as a face that like Moses' from Sinai is brilliant! Shining! Alive with the power and glory of God shining through the Spirit within. He worked at an orphanage. He was old. He was just a man, but listening to him as he spoke with other leaders revealed a man that had devoted everything to the service of God."

I'm intensely focused on passage 4 of 2 Corinthians right now, and it brings to mind the face of the man from Mexico that "shone with the knowledge of the glory of God".
Paul was emphasizing that Moses wore a veil because God's glory in his presence was so great that his face shone brilliantly! With Jesus and salvation we are filled with life through the spirit and have a spiritual life that confronts the holy God. Why wouldn't our faces shine! The passage continues by stating that we are jars of clay, pressed, burdened, chipped, and crushed, but never fully broken, and each instance reveals more of a shining light within. I wonder if I am veiled...

It was an emotional day. I missed Patrick so much, felt lonely, sick, and in need of nurtuing. When I expressed this to Patrick he said some words that were amazing...I will always love you by nurturing you and caring for you, holding you and inviting you, but sometimes I will need to be strong and do things because I know that they are good for you, we both will be submitted to one another in marriage. I will lead.

I thought of God saying that. "come to me all who are weary and heavy-burdened and I will give you rest,(Matthew)" but at the same time He will make decisions and guide when it is good and right according to His will. I need to submit to His lead so that I will be that pot of clay that when I am broken and weary and worn, He will shine from within me and with each act of submission to his will, my face will shine with the glory of the knowledge of God for people to see. The bible also says that God's love does not need to be written down because it can be seen written on the hearts of those who love him. That is so amazing.

I guess finally I learned that both books of Corinthians were written either from or following paul's time in Asia during which he endured a lot for the sake of furthering the gospel and he did it through love, nurturing, building, and investing in relationships...shining the glory of God from an unveiled face that did not leave room for fear or control, but submission and love. I have such an amazing opportunity to serve God and those around me every single day with all of the sacrifice and refining that God will use to remove the veil from my face so that I can shine with the knowledge of the glory of God.