Patrick is currently upside down (check his blog) and I am just barely standing up. I have loved the past few weeks and month and four months, being married is amazing and I love Patrick so very much! I would write all about that except that I am beyond disheartened right now. I'm not sure why I feel compelled or even allowed to lament on my blog, but I am just having one of THOSE days ;)
School is gnawing at me, every single piece of my emotion and patience etc. Sleep does not exist because of it, and let's just say my grades will be significantly lowered because at one point I was reduced to a hippie in a coffee shop. (We were internet scavengers while in Fredericksburg and I had a 2hr. online test so we scouted the location at a local coffee house and while I was taking a quiz all I heard lightheartedly was town business and that Patrick and I were the hippies he was currently housing in his coffee house) Anyway, needless to say a week went by with very little accomplished because even hippies can't scrounge free Internet for long. Gee whiz. God please give me patience to love the thick-brained legalists. I must be one sometimes.
I miss Megan and Connor and Nick and Sarah. I love my new family and my old family and everything about my compartmentalized life. It never seems to change that an airport always means goodbye in some form or other. I wanted to cry when I left Texas yesterday. Boohoo, I left my heart in Texas. However, before we left everyone was doing the verbal checklist procedure thing and I was able to say with a smile on my face, "Yep. I've got my husband. We're good to go" :) I love Patrick.
I can't really think about China or my adrenaline/fight-or-flight senses kick in. I'm excited to go but fighting the reality.
My favorite part about being married so far is that nothing has changed. I mean that respectively, not literally (I understand God's divine unity within us). I guess what I mean is that Patrick is still absolutely my best friend! We haven't ever really been the infatuated, lovesick and oogling couple but I guess I thought that marriage changed everything into a harsh reality check that FOREVER really is forever…I would have to say seriously that every day gets so much better!!! For example, mornings when we’re left alone either he cooks breakfast or I do, and the other person reads something inspiring either from God’s word, Jim Elliot’s journals, or Dietrich Bonhoeffer. How fun to wake up with your spiritual companion, your best friend, your love, and quite an adorable sleepy man.
I have needed consistency and fortitude for my heart to seek God and ground my hope in Him so much recently. Life really isn’t an uphill battle with His peace and hope, just a process and He is right there providing wildflowers outside of your window, a rendition of the ”happy song” from a spouse, inspiring words from a book, and whispers of His love for us when we quietly stop to listen. Lord, speak to my heart, quietly, softly, and peacefully.