"The Christian must suffer," "must endure sufferings that he consequently can avoid simply by refraining from becoming a Christian."" --for God presumably does not know man; his demands are too extravagant, so there have to be pastors to haggle and bargain . . . if [Christianity] has relaxed to what is human, to what has arisen in the human heart, then people naturally think well of it."
I asked the Lord that I might grow,
In faith and love and every grace,
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek more earnestly His face.
It was He who taught me thus to pray,
And He I trust has answered prayer.
But it has been in such a way,
As almost drove me to despair.
I hoped that in some favored hour,
At once He’d answer my request.
And by His love’s constraining power,
Subdue my sins and give me rest.
Instead of this, He made me feel,
The hidden evils of my heart.
And let the angry powers of hell,
Assault my soul in every part.
Yes, more with His own hand,
He seemed, Intent to aggravate my woe.
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.
“Lord, why is this?” I trembling cried.
Will You pursue Your worm to death?”
“This is the way” the Lord replied,
“I answer prayer for grace and strength.”
“These inward trials I employ,
From self, and pride, to set you free;
And break your schemes of earthly joy,
That you may find thy all in Me.”
Despair, for Newton, is the result of answered prayer. The weight of sin in his heart, and the failure of his own plans results in freedom from self and pride, and results in dependence upon God only. This does not make "sense," -through faith one surrenders, trusts, and depends, releasing control, questions, and anger, and submits to the reality of a God who wills to transform human beings out of love.
You cannot think this truth into being, it has to be faithfully enacted. I pray for strength for those of you whose inward trials, burdened spirits, and longing hearts are devastated at this time in your lives; you are in good company.

1 comment:
From Flannery O'Connor:
"What people don't realize is how much religion costs. They think faith is a big electric blanket, when of course it is the cross. It is much harder to believe than not to believe... ”
There is a tremendous theology of suffering, "offering it up" to God, accepting small mortifications as ways to enter into Christ's suffering, and therefore making it count. It is a mindset of choosing to suffer with Christ rather than letting suffering happen "to you" as a victim. If you "offer it up" to Him as a sacrifice of praise, then you are like Job. Otherwise, you will die despairing.
I also read a quote from Beth Moore, who has known much suffering, and it is amazing. will send it to you later. can't find it now.
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