I was thinking about the fact that writing stems from inspiration. Not that folding laundry and walking the same 3 mile route each morning or routinely conversing about this or that with Patrick or my mom isn't potentially inspiring. Laundry could be a metaphor, and socks, with any ounce of imagination, very well could take over the world. But I don't suppose I like to work that hard or it would spoil the fun and magic of inspired moments.
Professional writers say that you must write every day. And I agree with them, if I want to finish a novel or make a name for myself as a published author (adjust glasses), but as for now I like the whimsy of not working to write. I simply wait for a situation to blind-side me or tap me quietly on the shoulder, and then I write about it. I find that this usually happens when transformation occurs.
Lots of thoughts parade in and out of my head throughout the day -most are silly. Like this morning, for example, I was thinking about the fact that people of a sickly constitution usually die early, and so do people whose mental fortitude and ability tax their body so much that they essentially expire from mental overload. And as I talked with my mom I wondered how the value system which prioritizes aesthetics has survived along with the utilitarian, ethical, and rationalist world-views that I would have thought would choke it out long ago. But, it has survived, and therefore must serve a purpose. But those thoughts are don't linger. In and out.
Instead, I keep returning to a theme of predetermined destiny vs. free choice, that keeps coming up and has been a topic of debate as long as there has been life on earth. And I think in his own way, that every human must confront this topic.
Do we wait for the stars to align, for God to "make His will known," thereby telling us what to do, look for karma or "open doors" to make paths clear, or expect our fancy to reveal a hint of our destiny? Or are we agents of our own lives with each choice determining, of our own will, an outcome that shapes a life?
As my reference is a Western, Christian world-view, I believe by default, that God has a "will," a plan for my life, and that it is my duty to align myself with that plan by 1) asking, "what is your will in [this] situation?" 2) listening for his voice, the bible, or someone's opinion that I choose to attribute to God's reply for an answer 3) Then I do this, no matter what. And if these steps seem muddled, or I ask and don't receive an answer or can't identify an answer, then we call this "waiting on God," an equally important step because we believe that in this space we learn, grow, and experience the refinement of our own human desires, our selfishness, our etc. that may inhibit us from hearing God willfully or subconsciously.
It's easy to understand how this came to be a philosophy -I'm not sure if I can call it a theology or doctrine because it isn't defined, just implied by most Christians. First, the allusions to Jesus as a shepherd leading a flock. Secondly, the Old Testament is full of stories where God sent an angel or spoke directly to prophets and leaders of Israel telling Jonah to go to Nianevah, or Jeremiah tell my people, or to Moses place your staff on the ground...tell Pharaoh that I have said to let my people go! Samuel anointed Saul as King, Hannah gave Samuel as a priest, Abraham bound Isaac, writing appeared on the wall, and I could go on and on.
And in the new testament Jesus instructed his disciples, "follow me." He said that he was on earth "to do the will of [his] father." He instructed them to pray "not my will, but yours be done."
Clearly these statements seem to confirm and justify at least a form of predetermined movement for the human who believes in God.
But there remains the philosophical controversy that humans are not puppets of a God who controls the entire movement of the universe. Nor is it plausible, as Christians will affirm, to believe in a God who has created the world and left it. Truth exists somewhere between deistic ambivalence and determinism.
For example, I was reading a scene in Jeremiah that I commonly go to: God tells Jeremiah to go into Color Me Mine or more likely, a high school ceramics classroom. So he does, and there is a kid making a mug for his mom's birthday, but it ends up looking like a lopsided cornucopia, so he smashes it into a lump of clay and starts again. God says, "like clay in the hand of the potter, so you are in my hand."
That used to give me the warm fuzzies to think of a big hand, the one that sculpted oceans crafting little me into something beautiful. I had only to trust that I would become a perfect Mother's Day gift with no effort but to submit to all of the shaping and molding in my life. Determinism.
Last night I was laying on the floor, propped up on pillows, feeling kind of meh, so I re-read that familiar story and decided to finish it because, for the first time I realized that the mug was flawed and smashed into a lump of clay. gulp.
God said, Jeremiah, tell Israel that I can change my mind. Where I was planning to bless them and fashion them into a great nation, if they choose to turn from me, I will destroy them. If, however, they repent and remain faithful, I will build them up. So he went out reluctantly to tell the people, and they schemed to kill him.
So, the real story is that God involves himself in human life, shaping it, forming, and building it, and humans are concurrently making decisions. The human decisions impact God's involvement, and God's involvement influences human decisions. The answer is both/and.
This inspires me because it incites transformation. I am familiar with being told what to do and find that I am extremely comfortable operating within a clearly defined system of right, wrong, rules, and expectations because 1) this allows for control 2) I know where I stand and how to succeed. In a system without rules, where I plot my movement and assess my decisions and actions, the unknown, potential consequences, and controversy threaten my stability and control. Additionally, it requires responsibility and accountability on my part. If I am to work with God, then I need to be communicating with him, disciplining myself, training my heart and my mind to be discerning. I need to show up, I need to be actively participating, I need to see that we work together, and "there is no [laziness, passivity, self-focus, ease] in effective teamwork."
I go to church, I read my bible, I pray when I feel like it and when I don't. But working with God is as learning to breathe in unison with Him. It is both work and rest, responsibility and provision, pursuit and sitting patiently, sweat and peace, tears of pain and of praise. I cannot wait when I must work or submit when he is calling me to action.
The Lord is my shepherd, but he is also the one that inspires life in my mind and spirit to empower me toward decisions and action that are useful to shape the/my world.
*Title from Jars of Clay song Boy on a String
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