Faithful

I am learning. Every single day is a new experience; I wake up with feelings that I have never felt before. I am used to bouncing out of bed at 6:00 smiling, but recently, even with a full 8 hrs. of sleep, I feel so anxious and burdened by so much that I cannot identify. I spend the first 10 minutes of my day trying to thwart these feelings by quoting verses, singing quietly, and praying, but something is going on. I can feel certain foundations in my life breaking and God is refining me through the process. Why does it hurt so much? Why is it difficult? I was reminded this morning that I am not in heaven yet. The expectation to constantly be joyful and content, although it sounds like a ridiculous expectation, is actually something that I thought could be achieved. Peace, success, triumph, and winning, requires sweat, toil, endurance, and training.
This morning I took the steps; I got out of bed anyway, ate some Lucky Charms, and tried to focus on the shapes and colors which usually delight me. While transfixed on my bowl of cereal, I couldn't feel the anxiety churning in my stomach. Tool number two, my bible. I opened and read and felt a peace flow over me and I knew that it would be alright. Thirdly, I asked Erin if we could pray together in the mornings. While enquiring, I realized that she is also experiencing a heavy heart lately and we humbly sat before God and offered him our lives, our days, and our thoughts and hearts. He is so faithful. I know that even without the feelings, my life is at peace because my God is with me. I am growing stronger every day and becoming more aware of the Holy Spirit's presence in my life.
God, I praise you for every new morning, for friendships, family, love, hope, bicycles, the bible, dreams, perseverance, ACU, Amanda, Patrick, Erin, Andrea, life, and for making me to be who you want me to be. Please help me to be selfless and fulfill the purpose that you have for my life today. I love you. Amen