This is...

When I sit on my rope swing and twist until my feet can’t touch the ground,
I let go and my hair dances all around me. When I wear a skirt it flies. The sun rays that slip past a canopy of eucalyptus leaves make patterns and I open my eyes to see the world spinning by. This is my life.

When I wake up to the sun illuminating the white walls in my room, to a heart that is praising God, and joy for the new morning, I greet it with my biggest smile and quickly leave my room to find others to share it with. My dad is making breakfast, we talk and sometimes pray together. My mom is putting on make-up in her bathroom mirror, the best setting for a heart to heart talk. Michael is playing his guitar, and Paul is playing practical jokes with the spay nozzle at the kitchen sink. Instead, the heater turns off and the silence escalates. The tile is cold and one ray of light rests on the table next to my bible and cereal bowl. Three chairs are empty. I ask a question, whisper a psalm and my whisper echoes on the white grey walls.
Answer me, talk to me, echo the joy in my heart. Silence. This is my morning.

Mustang? Convertible Miada? Yes please! Windows down, California sun caressing my skin, orange groves pungent with fresh citrus scent, an almond orchard in full bloom with white and pink cottony blossoms, mountains dusted and frosted with fresh white snow are a backdrop behind rolling green hills and small lambs grazing. A whisk sends palm branches rustling, clapping their long arms to create a sheer applause for the creator of the beautiful day and my face is misted from the receding wave crest retreating into the bright blue depth with the sun setting off a sparkle. He is there in the beauty, the creativity, majesty, vastness, and delicacy. This is my state.

Ya'll, ya'll's (how on earth is that spelled), ya'll two, a genuine smile, I am smothered in hugs, sparkling eyes, inquiring minds, clouds huge and rolling, wind that pierces, thunder that only speaks of God, community, love. This state is huge, but it has to be for the size of the hearts of all who live here. I fly through bumpy roads on my bike and scratch at mosquito bites all summer long, eat steak, experience magical adventures on a roof, and open my heart to the divine gift of love and the wonder of a kiss. This is God's divine plan.

Huge brown eyes that sparkle with laughter and well with tears almost simultaneously, short brown hair shoved under a Yankees cap, matted beneath a north face beanie or blowing with me through life's spontaneous journeys, teeth that chatter from walks in the cold or with excitement when God has revealed a glimpse of himself, that stifle a nervous giggle or a gasp from tears and grieving. A heart that yearns for I Am, unconditional love, peace, and joy. Chinese Chicken salad is my triumph, and iced lattes my newly discovered delicacy. Class presentations and the newest philosophical discovery make my heart beat faster with excitement, and a dream of a small home, and a job as an editor in Seattle set my mind soaring and my dream has been fulfilled:

I have to write tonight because it is a night, or I suppose the 12:00 hour makes it a morning of revolutions. Love grown tonight; a piece of me has broken off and it soars. God freed a spirit of bliss and adventure; he allowed my heart to be alive with wonder. Nineteen is one month away. I live in a white world tonight, of brilliance, love, passion and grace. Pure white. My world of linen and white cotton fabrics sprinkled with yellow dandelions, summer roses, and eyelet send me twirling through springs and summers of grassy planes by the sea. A white way of delight becomes my footpath and canopy, under which the blush of a pomegranate deepens in beauty. The satiny sheen of ebony coats from the goats that pause beneath these trees is absorbed by the sun and reflected back on me. Pomegranate stains on satin skin, ebony infused luster in long thick tresses, beauty has changed me, love has changed me. The trees and the white canopy miniaturize into a horizon as I continue twirling. This time, he takes my hand and leads me through a gentle rain upon the grassy knolls; a rain of grace and refinement. I step into a fairy ring, the rain subsiding meekly as fairies dance around, the rhythm of their dance offsets mine as they hum a drunken lullaby, I am enticed and my focus wanes, tripping, he catches me spinning me through a blue abyss accompanied only by a bee, dandelion seeds, and the melody of the wind. I land in a fluff, upon a flowery bed of grass, head caressed by tiny white blossoms, clouds explode on top of a backdrop of blue, and then a shadow, a voice, "Behold". The likeness of my creator in stature, eyes beamed a glistening light, and the heart flowed in a river of speech. A hand extended to draw me up and clasped within the muscle and strength, the pride and will of that hand, was a tiny white blossom, not cowering, but caressed with a love and tender care, prized and protected, inviting me to love. He smiled down that day upon the earth because he had fulfilled his purpose for me. A piece of me flew today, a piece chipped off, and God blew".

All of this is me.

God continue to form me and shape me. Hold me in your love. Amen.