Home. Run!!!

So this is how I feel today. I feel the pride and joy of catching a really hard hit in baseball. You feel the sting as the ball hits your mit. You stuck with it and you're still in the game. Or...maybe it's more like this. It looks like a really good hit, but then you realize that you weren't even looking at the ball. It was just taped to your bat.

What is the difference between apathy and feeling stagnant? The same things, day in and day out. The sun rises; I swim, do homework, talk to some people, write emails, think a lot, and then sleep some more. Oh I wonder just what God has in mind for me right now! Ask Him. I think this is His will. It reminds me of the song Taking Care Of Business. Sometimes, that's just what needs to be done. I miss friendship the most right now…Of course I have my friend Mr. Intercultural Communications text book. He's a little dull as a companion however. He NEVER makes me laugh and rarely does he elicit even a smile. He's good at keeping secrets though. I can write all over his little margins and count on no one ever cracking him to find them. I guess that he and I go on adventures together, but mostly, he helps me to develop skills in discipline and perseverance.
There is also Mr. "Quantum Physics Pseudoscience in the Making." He's pretty cool and accompanies me most places. He makes me laugh, especially the silly cartoons that he keeps concealed in his pages. He likes to sneak them up on me and then I burst out laughing at inopportune moments and people think I'm a wacko laughing at quantum physics. Who knows, maybe I am.
Every single day I come to the third floor of the library and sit in the same place. There is absolutely no one here and there are four floors of lush and comfy chairs, tables, desks, study rooms, and lots and lots of windows, but I like my spot. I can pretend like it is my corner of the world. I have a need to possess some space as my own personal allotment in this big world. I think I’ll just claim a small piece of the library.
I am still without a job, well a consistent job anyway. I kind of have three. I work as a caterer on weekends at weddings. It raises serious questions about marriage. For example, who in the world is the wedding for? Is a bride too young when she is constantly whining to sit down on the microphone while someone is proposing a toast? Why isn’t God mentioned at the wedding? Should “My Humps” really be played at a dance? How many cases and cases of wine does it take to make a tipsy bride throw up in the alley? Um about one whole one. I don’t mean to be so cynical. The weddings are fun, but sometimes I don’t like coming into such close contact with marriage ceremonies. I also got a job working at Hollister clothing store, a division of Abercrombie and Fitch and the workers are actually called models. Thankfully we had the option to apply for a position in the back room where we just fold and stock clothes. My friend Nate who works at Abercrombie said it's not a bad job. His store is just across from mine so at least I work in the vicinity of friends. I am also looking into a position trapping rats and observing horned lizards in the desert near Bakersfield. It's with a biology professor and we would work each morning from 4:30-12:00. I originally wanted to work at Starbucks, but I decided that I need to have a more well-rounded lifestyle, so I cater weddings, model for Hollister, and trap rats. It's actually a very fulfilling existence. (I'm also lying. I couldn't get any other jobs. Starbucks wouldn't hire me.)
So, Patrick is going to China for sure. I am so excited because thinking about him going out to experience real life at a different stage makes me recognize my desire for that as well. I think in December I'm going to go to Seattle to work for a publishing company, have an apartment of my own, and live life solo for a time. I think it is important to me to offer myself to God as I am, as an individual without attachments, and to go where He desires. Who does He want me to become, where does He want me to go and serve? It's all a part of developing as an individual before I become committed to marrying someone or entering the non-single stage of my life. I'm not sure how long this will be or where God will take me, but for once I'm not even willing to dream about the possibilities. I want Him to have complete control. I feel like metaphorically running off of the edge of a cliff right now and just seeing where I will land. But, for now I will continue to get up every day, swim, do homework, talk with people, think, trap rats or whatever I do, sleep and remain conscious of the voice of the Almighty directing each new sunrise. All praises be to Him forever!