How do you spell a huge contented, peaceful, and happy sigh?
Tonight was delightful!
This week was difficult and challenging academically, the first so far, and as a result, I was feeling a bit hurried and tight inside.
A nap, or as Norris writes in The Cloister walk, a NAP!!! was the first item on my agenda.
I helped Sarah through her clothing dilemma. I know that it can be frustrating, so I lent her some of my pants, assuring her that she looked great, she did look cute.
I completed my daily bible reading, and I'm learning over and over recently that ups and downs and happy and sad, crazy, busy, joyful moments are all a part of life and who we are. Pascal wrote that we tend to live our lives hoping for the present and the goodness and contentedness that it will bring. Rarely, he comments, is the present something pleasant. If it is bad, then we can't wait for it to pass, and if it is good, we lament that it may be over soon. How funny we are, but I do it. Today wasn't the happiest of days, or this whole week, but I can't begin to count the times that I just started talking to my God, listening for His voice, just content to have Him to share with, someone that I know cares. I think it is a week like this, a life like this, that confirms that the ups and downs are merely a part of the journey and God is always there caring, listening, and directing. I can't imagine life without Him.
I left on my bike for some of this afternoon's sun. I saw Jenna and Jaci walking their dog, I dropped a movie off at the rental store, then rode around campus, talked to some people, and returned for an hour to do some homework and cleaning.
My spirit still felt heavy and so I went to get food and I drove out to the lake to watch the stars and pray. While I drove, I changed the radio stations in search of something, and I heard Sonic Flood singing, "In the Secret," and nothing has ever had that effect on me. I realized how deprived my soul has been of worship. The spiritual and religious element of life in Texas is structured so differently than I am used to; everything seems so empty, modern Christian music is mocked, and hymns are worn out. The worship seems to be gone from the hearts of many people, and I am convinced that worship through music is what contributed significantly to the joy and passion David was able to have for God in the Old Testament with his harp, and dancing. He loved God, and he worshiped Him. I called Michael because it reminded me of him. Music, guitar, the lake, spiritual reverie...I miss him so much. Tyler was there two and both of them made my night, my week! I love them both so much.
I worshiped God. Not necessarily out loud, but through music, that sought to please Him and lay devoted hearts full or empty at His feet. Praise God!
An hour later I drove back and wanted to take the world by storm once more on my bike. I had such a joyful spirit and I wanted to hear more music, but my bike beckoned. I rode for about 15 minutes and went to school. There was an outdoor concert by Stephen Speaks. He is one of my favorite artists and I was so happy to ride my bike and hear my favorite songs, to stop and listen, share with other people, and be blessed by God.
I am back now, I rode long and hard around neighborhoods, and exhausted, but completely content, I will fold into bed and be asleep.
I love you God. Thank you for knowing me.